I eat like a fat person.
Firstly, let me just say that I’m not saying that to elicit sympathy- look, poor Michael, he can’t change his bad eating habits. It’s just something that dawned on me out of the blue today.
You can ask Abbey- I'm obsessed with food. Almost every other conversation we have is about what I need to eat to not be fat. The answer seems obvious: take in less calories than you expend. If it really were that simple, no one could sell a diet book, as no one would be fat.
As we all know, it’s more complicated than that. Today I noticed I’m slipping back into an old comfortable pattern: drinking soda. I even have a stable of justifications: I just have a little soda and like mainly sucking on the ice (which is true to some degree); it makes my stomach feel better (which it does, for some reason); coffee and tea bother my stomach and water is boring. All have a kernel of truth. But they are all rationalizing a behavior in which I’d really rather not engage.
So I thought about getting back on the wagon, how I would have so much more water the next time around, and how the McDonald’s takeout would be replaced by a wheat bagel with broiled tomato at home, how I would load up on fruits and vegetables, etc, etc.
Not pure BS, but pretty close. Mainly because this is my pattern: I imagine how I will be “next time,” then just do the opposite when that time finally comes. Simple, eh?
One of the problems is I just don’t remember how I ate when I wasn’t fat. I’m sure by the time I’m seventy I will have bored many people about how when I was 30 I didn’t have a car, biked to work every day, didn’t have to cook for anyone else so I really didn’t care when or how much I ate, and I was in the best shape of my life. That story is absolutely true.
Sometimes it just seems like a great dream I had a long time ago. But, no, I mustn’t forget- that really was me.
So how did I eat back then? I really don’t remember because I really didn’t care, and that’s one of my biggest problems- I care, way too much. I like to think of myself as a good cook, proud of the fact I can make several different meals that every single fincky kid in the family will eat.
My ego investment needs to end. Also, I need to stop regarding cooking as my main creative outlet.
I read a forum thread recently about how thin people eat. It was a real eye-opener. Some of them don’t watch what they eat at all. Their trick is they don’t eat much because they aren’t hungry. Not hungry?!? I could eat at ANY time. That is no exaggeration. Some of them, however, do watch what they eat, some of them it seems have accidentally discovered a good system for eating. In fact, some of them resemble how I think I ate back in the day, when I just didn't care that much. Nothing fancy; just basic ingredients. Fairly repetitive. pasta and vegetables. Lean meat. salad. No fast food. lots of tomatoes. Spicy sometimes.
I have to stop caring so much about what I put in my mouth, ironically, to get to the point that I eat only things that I should eat, because I care about what I put in my mouth. Still trying to wrap my brain around this zen paradox. But it’s true.
It’s a struggle. And a process. But I just have to get my big butt off of the ground and back on the wagon, no matter how many times I fall out, because I’d rather hitch an occasional ride with a wagon than have to walk the whole way in the mud. And now that I am a father of three wonderful but impressionable children, they need to learn to stick to the wagon, mostly. If we all have to slog through the mud, we aren't going to make it.
Firstly, let me just say that I’m not saying that to elicit sympathy- look, poor Michael, he can’t change his bad eating habits. It’s just something that dawned on me out of the blue today.
You can ask Abbey- I'm obsessed with food. Almost every other conversation we have is about what I need to eat to not be fat. The answer seems obvious: take in less calories than you expend. If it really were that simple, no one could sell a diet book, as no one would be fat.
As we all know, it’s more complicated than that. Today I noticed I’m slipping back into an old comfortable pattern: drinking soda. I even have a stable of justifications: I just have a little soda and like mainly sucking on the ice (which is true to some degree); it makes my stomach feel better (which it does, for some reason); coffee and tea bother my stomach and water is boring. All have a kernel of truth. But they are all rationalizing a behavior in which I’d really rather not engage.
So I thought about getting back on the wagon, how I would have so much more water the next time around, and how the McDonald’s takeout would be replaced by a wheat bagel with broiled tomato at home, how I would load up on fruits and vegetables, etc, etc.
Not pure BS, but pretty close. Mainly because this is my pattern: I imagine how I will be “next time,” then just do the opposite when that time finally comes. Simple, eh?
One of the problems is I just don’t remember how I ate when I wasn’t fat. I’m sure by the time I’m seventy I will have bored many people about how when I was 30 I didn’t have a car, biked to work every day, didn’t have to cook for anyone else so I really didn’t care when or how much I ate, and I was in the best shape of my life. That story is absolutely true.
Sometimes it just seems like a great dream I had a long time ago. But, no, I mustn’t forget- that really was me.
So how did I eat back then? I really don’t remember because I really didn’t care, and that’s one of my biggest problems- I care, way too much. I like to think of myself as a good cook, proud of the fact I can make several different meals that every single fincky kid in the family will eat.
My ego investment needs to end. Also, I need to stop regarding cooking as my main creative outlet.
I read a forum thread recently about how thin people eat. It was a real eye-opener. Some of them don’t watch what they eat at all. Their trick is they don’t eat much because they aren’t hungry. Not hungry?!? I could eat at ANY time. That is no exaggeration. Some of them, however, do watch what they eat, some of them it seems have accidentally discovered a good system for eating. In fact, some of them resemble how I think I ate back in the day, when I just didn't care that much. Nothing fancy; just basic ingredients. Fairly repetitive. pasta and vegetables. Lean meat. salad. No fast food. lots of tomatoes. Spicy sometimes.
I have to stop caring so much about what I put in my mouth, ironically, to get to the point that I eat only things that I should eat, because I care about what I put in my mouth. Still trying to wrap my brain around this zen paradox. But it’s true.
It’s a struggle. And a process. But I just have to get my big butt off of the ground and back on the wagon, no matter how many times I fall out, because I’d rather hitch an occasional ride with a wagon than have to walk the whole way in the mud. And now that I am a father of three wonderful but impressionable children, they need to learn to stick to the wagon, mostly. If we all have to slog through the mud, we aren't going to make it.
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