recuperation: a rough guide

When A was recuperating from gall bladder removal, she told me she thought recuperation would be a great topic for this blog. I thought it would be too, but I wasn't totally convinced I could do it justice. I didn't feel like I necessarily knew the right things to do. It was really a matter of just getting through every day. It's taken recuperating from my own injury to make me realize I did an okay job when A was the one on the couch, and to sharpen my focus on the things I definitely should be doing when it's my turn.

Now, I am recuperating from a back injury, and I have the unique opportunity to address it from the perspective of both the patient and the caretaker.

This isn't the first time I've recovered from something. I've had a handful of surgeries over the years, a broken limb and even a bout with cancer. This time it's a back injury. If you follow my more general blog Upon Reflection, you know I went on a recent trip to Denver under less than ideal circumstances. I spent the latter half of the first day walking and waiting around on hard concrete with improper shoes and a heavy messenger bag full of too much stuff, including an overly weighty laptop. A few days later, a nagging pain developed on the left half of my lower back, opposite the side from which the bag hung nearly nonstop on that first day. The pain was not too bad, and went away after a couple of days. Several days later, first thing in the morning, I was bending over to pick something up, and a terrible pain seized the very spot that had hurt after that trip. But this time it was much worse; it was painful to bend my back at all, and to stand was agonizing. Fortunately, I was not so disabled that I couldn't make my way to a doctor's office and get an exam. Also fortunately, I can find different positions, all reclining, that are relatively comfortable. But getting up and down causes horrible pain, as does, sadly, sitting down in the restroom. I've been taking an anti-inflammatory and muscle relaxant for a few days now. My doctor thinks the bag I carried could have been a contributing factor, but she things being overweight is probably playing a bigger role.

I spent last night on the couch. I can make it into the bedroom to sleep, but it's not easy getting to sleep and I don't want to keep A from getting her well-deserved sleep. Plus, I just didn't feel like exacerbating things by moving around. But I do not intend to make a habit of this, and plan to get back in the bedroom as soon as I can.

Poor A has had to run the whole show the last couple of days. Fortunately, my two boys from a previous marriage, who were with us all last week to attend a local day camp, are in Utah with their mother this week. That leaves our darling five-year-old daughter, A, me, and our feisty Jack Russell Terrier, Milo. Day one went pretty smoothly; day two, things weren't quite as smooth. It didn't help that in day two I was already feeling depressed, by the pain, boredom, and being unsure when I would feel any better. It seemed like the meds weren't helping, and if anything I was feeling more stiff on day two than day one. I couldn't help with dinner (I cook most of the meals and when I don't, I at least help); I also couldn't walk the dog or help our daughter with bedtime.

We decided to backslide on meals. Most meals in our household are made at home. This was one way we could cut down on the demands put on poor A. So we've been eating frozen dinners the past couple of days. Interestingly, my appetite is not its usual active self; a Lean Cuisine normally feels like an appetizer to me. Last night it was more than enough. I guess this could be explained by my lack of activity. Also I've been feeling a bit of depression that has diminished my usual interests, and to say I am a foodie is a bit of an understatement. We had some delicious homemade chocolate pie left over from Father's Day, and I have to admit, that perked me up a lot. Plus, we watched Young Frankenstein for the hundredth time. It's one movie that I never get tired of,and I find it's silly humor and earnest homage to old horror movies very comforting. These simple things did lift my spirits.

One feeling that has been worse than the pain has been the guilt of not bring able to help out around the house. What's made me feel a little better was doing some things that don't require heavy lifting- working on the grocery list, for instance, and paying some bills. It made me feel less disconnected from everyone else, and, strangely enough considering it was just bill paying, alleviated some of the boredom.

If I were unable to do even these simple sit-down things, I could see feeling pretty sorry for myself. However, I think I would have to remind myself that inactivity now will help my body heal and perhaps be even better when recovered. Occupying your mind is one thing you can do, sure. But I also find it helpful to try to find reasons to appreciate the moment. If you were in terrible pain and on some mind-altering drugs like morphine, of course this would be impossible; but as I am not and my pain only occurs when in motion, I try to appreciate the very small things, like the softness of the cushion, the sound of our loyal dog snoring nearby, the beauty of the songbirds that whizz by the dining room windows occasionally. It's like a mini-meditation. Although I have to have movies and my laptop and books to distract me the rest of the time, trying to find beauty in the mundane is a valuable exercise- something that will doubt serve me other periods of convalescence to come.

So, generally speaking, for the recovering:

Don't let your relationships slide. Stay in touch with your SO so they can vent frustrations if needed, and you can stay current.

-find something to indulge in, if it works with your illness. a delicious dessert and a funny movie can really help.

-find ways to lessen the burden on your SO, if you have one. don't disengage completely; find a way to be helpful, if at all possible.

If you can't help at all, acknowledge this is a time to heal and the less activity, probably the better, until your body starts healing. Find a source of entertainment- and, from time to time, acknowledge there is still beauty in life even if you feel like crap.

For the helper/spouse/whomever of the recovering:

-let them rest. They can make the extra burden on you now up to you later.

-Take care of the essentials (like laundry and feeding the kids) first- that will help your sick help mate feel better, unless they are self-absorbed dipwads.

-ask what they need occasionally. I guess that's obvious. or is it?

-help line up the meds- especially if pain meds are involved, the patient can lose track of it, especially if there is more than one med on a different schedule than the other. Like I have now. Aargh.

If it's feasible, suggest something they can do to help. No matter how insignificant it may seem to you, having a little something useful to do can really help them deal with the down time.